I remember being at that summer camp- it was a hard week in my little life as I had had such a hard time making friends that week. I sat there at the final "awards" ceremony eagerly awaiting the tailored award my counselor for the week would present to me. "And the award for 'most sensitive' goes to Nikki"-- I remember exactly what that moment felt like. Up until then in my little life, I only associated sensitive as a negative thing. I took the paper award into my hands and ran to the bathroom, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it in the trash can (ok, so maybe you could add a little overdramatic to the list as well).
Why would I even be sharing this embarrassing story? Well, luckily, little Nikki grew up to realize that sometimes, your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength. I finally grew to see that being sensitive was not, in fact, just a negative thing that people sneered at as I sat in the corner crying (although I'm sure that has occured on more than one occasion in my elementary days).
Now, I see it differently. Sensitivity is strength. It is a deeper connection to the thoughts and feelings of those around you. It is a quiet connection to the underlying feeling in every situation. If used properly, it is an outstanding tool to provide love, courage and encouragement to those who really need it.
Of course, it is hard as well. It is the over thinking, over processing, assuming thoughts and really, truly, feeling rejection, to it's full extent. It is not easy. It is learning to surround yourself with people that will accept you and embrace you despite the way you feel and respond. Unfortunately, that lesson is learned only by truly living it and learning how to walk away stronger and better equipped than you came.
This morning I sat on the couch next to my little three year old boy watching Toy Story 3. He broke into tears during the scene where the toys are abandoned by the "daisy" the little girl. Obviously, yes, he's three- so there is some amount of sensitivity in just his age alone. But I have watched this little boy day in and day out every day of his life so far....his little interactions and the way he reacts to his friends and play mates. My boy, I am sure, shares my sensitive soul.
I am so incredibly excited to help nourish in him this amazing gift in his personality. He is caring, loving, and in tune. He quietly asks me when I am sad "Mama, are you sad?" and hugs me when I need it. I pray that the expectations of our society for boys, especially, will not taint this. I hope to encourage in him to use what some might look at as a weakness, to be his greatest strength.
He has such an exceptional opportunity to use this trait to change this world. We will work on it together.
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